We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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