i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
