i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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