Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
