Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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