It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
