I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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