I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
