Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
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i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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