eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
