I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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