so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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