I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
