When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize