What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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