if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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