Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
