24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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