jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
