So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
