I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
