His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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