I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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