I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
