My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
