my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
