So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
