we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
