i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
