You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
