You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
