he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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