my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
