Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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