I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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