Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
