thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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