I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
