Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
