I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
