At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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