I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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