Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
