I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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