what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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