you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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