Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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