i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
