i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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