Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
