if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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