i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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