Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
