college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
