Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize