Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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