billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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