Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
