yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
