Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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