it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
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I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
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The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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