There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
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he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
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We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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