not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She told me I should be a condom model.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
