i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
