there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Quick, to the slutcave!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
