Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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