Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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