I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
