i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
