i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
