I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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