Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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