oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
