i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just googled if crying burns calories
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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