He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
