Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
